Teish Knits

Today is my 40th birthday. That means that I’ve been humming “I’m Glad That I’m Not Young Anymore” from the musical Gigi. I’m sharing four of the reasons why I actually am glad not be young anymore. One for each decade I’ve been alive!

1. With age comes wisdom… or at least a little more of it than I had two decades ago.

It is funny just how much you can think you have life all figured out when you’re 20. It’s even funnier when you start to realize that you had no clue back then! At 40, I know that I don’t have much of anything figured out. And that’s OK. I’ve still learned a few things over the years, and that means that I’ve made progress. I don’t have to have everything figured out, but I am glad that I at least have a few more things figured out than I used to.

2. I’ve finally made peace with being myself… sort of.

I’m weird. I don’t fit into anyone’s box. I spent so much time trying to stifle all of the things that made me, me. I wanted so badly to fit the mold of what “everyone” said that I should be, that I was willing to make myself absolutely miserable doing it. It’s embarrassing how long it took me to figure out that God never wanted me to be a carbon copy of anyone else. It wasn’t a mistake that I was created weird. It was on purpose. I’ve mostly made peace with the whole being weird thing, and now I’m working on figuring out how to become the kind of weird person that God had in mind for me to be.

3. I have a much better grasp of what healthy relationships look like… and what they don’t.

This sounds sort of obvious, but it’s really not. When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it’s harder than you’d think to recognize it as that. Even after you’re out of that situation, it can take a very long time to come to terms with the reality of what was. It was (and still is) a rough thing to grapple with, but it makes me appreciate the good relationships in my life even more. Even better is the chance to break cycles and make things different for the next generation. As a very wise person once told me, “It can stop with you.”

4. My life didn’t go as planned… and that’s a good thing.

I had big plans, and big dreams. Today, I’m not a rocket scientist, and I’m not living alone in a cabin in the woods. Nothing went according to plan, starting with the moment when I took a risk and told Aaron that, “I think I sort of, maybe love you.” It’s been one crazy ride, and I’ve ended up in places where I never thought I’d be. While I may look wistfully at the pretty airplanes from time to time, I wouldn’t trade this crazy life for what I used to think I wanted. Turns out it was a good thing that nothing went according to my original plan. I’d hate to have missed out on these past 20 years with Aaron, not to mention the four geeklings we have. My life is far from dull!

Admittedly, I’m not overly fond of some of these aches and pains that crop up more regularly than they used to. I’m typing this with my knee propped up on a pillow with ice because I hurt it while… walking across the kitchen. Yup. No fall, no athletic injury, just… walking. On the plus side, the geeklings have been offering to get me anything I need, and even did the cooking! Maybe there’s a plus side to everything. In any case, maybe turning 40 isn’t the worst thing after all.

I came across something on social media this week where a new mom was asking some advice about getting things done with a baby in the house. It was interesting reading through the comments from other moms of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers! I went through those stages with all four of my kids, but some of the details are a bit hazy looking back until someone mentions something and I think, “Oh yeah, I’d forgotten about that!”

My kiddos are in the tween and teen years for the most part, and my “baby” is nine years old. The days of littles are definitely behind me now. It’s funny how motherhood hasn’t exactly gotten easier, but the ways that it’s difficult change over time. For example, now that the kids are older, they do their own laundry, help with chores, make their own breakfast and lunch, they even cook dinner some nights! The extra hands helping around the house are definitely appreciated. The physical demands of the early years of parenting have lessened significantly.

The mental and emotional demands have increased through. Guiding high schoolers through their education is a lot more complicated than teaching them to colors and counting in Kindergarten! It’s more time consuming too, even though they largely do their work independently now. Things like hormones and life lessons are coming into play, and that stuff is hard. Trying to help these kids who are somewhere between being kids and adults is complicated, and I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing half of the time. I desperately hope that my mom felt this way too because when she was my age and I was my daughter’s age, I thought she had everything pretty much figured out.

Parenting isn’t all about the challenges though. There are definitely always those, no matter what stage you’re in, but there’s good stuff in every stage too! I’m a bit nostalgic when I see a mom holding a sleeping baby, or snuggling a toddler on her lap while they look at a picture book. There were some great things about the years when I had a house full of littles.

There are great things about a house of teens and tweens too. I can’t tell you how much I love talking to my kids about they books they like, and telling them about the ones I like. Reading the same books and then discussing them is so much fun! Playing long, complicated board games is something we can do now, and there’s nothing I love more than roping them into playing an epic game of Terraforming Mars or Between Two Cities on the weekend. We have deep discussions sometimes. We can work on projects together around the house. We have funny in-jokes now that only our family gets! (My mug declaring, “Whatever, I’m still fabulous,” is one of those jokes!)

None of parenting is easy. Let’s be honest, relationships of any kind aren’t easy because you’re dealing with multiple people, personalities, and points of view. Despite the challenge some days bring, family relationships can be a great source of joy.

There are still days that are so hard, but my mom would probably tell me that that’s pretty much how life is for all of us! If any moms of littles stumble across this post though, I want you to know that no matter how hard it seems now, you’ll get through the hard. It’s OK if you’re not vacuuming the house in heels and pearls every afternoon. Your kids won’t remember that there were stray crumbs under the table, but they will remember that Mom loved them enough to spend time with them. The kids will get older and their “help” around the house will indeed become a big help! Things will change and you’ll no longer have a little one who curls up on your lap to read a story, but there are new experience you can share with your older kids that are precious too. It’s true what they say, “The days are long, but the years are short.” It doesn’t get easier per-se, but you will get more sleep eventually. And on the mornings when you’re tired, your teen might brew enough coffee for both of you to have a cup with breakfast!

It’s been a strange month. I could say a lot about a lot of things, but my brain is tired of thinking about the heavy stuff, so I decided to write a little post about a few of the strange yet interesting things I’ve done this month.

I know that cutting your own hair is a thing on social media right now, but that’s honestly not the reason why I decided to take the plunge. I’ve been toying with the idea of just buzzing my hair super-short for a few years now. Given that summer is (allegedly) coming, I figured that now would be a good time to go for it. If nothing else, it would be cooler during the hot months. Aaron knew ahead of time that I was doing this, but none of the kids did! I must say, the looks on their faces were priceless, and I wish I had photos! I actually rather like my hair this short, and I still haven’t decided whether I’ll keep it this way, or let it grow back out.

This photo, on the other hand, was because of social media! A challenge was issued to post a photo of yourself reading a book while in formalwear. The photos posted by friends were fun to look through, so I decided to participate. The only formal dress that I’ve ever worn is my wedding dress. As luck would have it, that dress is still hanging out in the back of my closet! I managed to fit into it (sort of), and the kiddos helped me snap a photo. The best part was when Mr. Q asked, “Why is the skirt so… poofy?” What can I say, it was the 90s…

During a Twilight Zone-esque trip to the grocery store, I came across this cool Plant Your Own Garden kit. I love the idea of growing plants! Loving the idea is not enough to turn me into a proficient gardener though. Still, I picked it up and the kids and I happily planted the seeds in the provided container. Since very few things I plant actually grow, I hadn’t really thought much about what to do once they sprouted. Guess what? They’ve sprouted and are growing nicely. I’ve still got a good month before I can plant anything outside, and I’m pretty sure these nice little plants aren’t going to be happy in those tiny pots for that long. I have no idea what to do with the currently-thriving seedlings.

There are still remnants of snow in the areas where there’s enough shade to keep the sun from melting the last holdouts. Despite the pile of snow still sitting outside the window by my desk, it was sunny and warm enough at the end of last week for the kiddos and I to enjoy spending time outside. They convinced me to let them drag out the kayak and take turns paddling around the farm pond in our back yard. I have to admit, it was so much fun! You’re pretty much just paddling around in a circle, but it was nice to be out on the water and enjoying the sun and fresh air. We even managed to get a bit of a sunburn, which still has me laughing, because who gets a sunburn in Maine, in April? Good thing I keep aloe gel in the fridge year-round.

I have no idea what next month is going to look like. There are a lot of things that concern me, and I think there’s good reason to be concerned about a lot of things. No matter what you’re personally going through in the midst of this, I hope that things start getting better for you soon. In the meantime, I hope that you can find something in your day today that will make you smile. Let me know in the comments or on social media how you’re doing. Go ahead and share the good, the bad, and even the ugly haircuts!

I was going to write a post for today about my NaNoWriMo project. I’d decided within the past few weeks to do NaNo again this year. Then, I changed my mind… again.

I’ve only participated in NaNoWriMo twice, but I loved it both times! It seemed like the perfect way to kick-start The Mechanic Who Would be Queen and get the first draft written. Not to mention this being the 20th year for NaNo! There are good reasons why I wanted to participate this year.

However, there are also good reasons why I decided not to participate. November is a busy month with Camo’s birthday, my IT staff’s birthday, our 20th anniversary, and Thanksgiving. My family is wonderfully supportive the years that I dive into NaNo, and they don’t complain about the things I have to let slide that month to make word count. I know they would all be cheering me on. The thing is, there are things this month that I want to be able to just enjoy without having to worry about my word count. My IT staff and I are going away overnight for our anniversary, and I want to be able to enjoy a nice dinner without having a word count nagging in the back of my head. Camo’s birthday sometimes seems a little lost in the shuffle of a busy month, and I want to make it special and make a cool cake for him without feeling like I have to rush to go get some writing in.

As much as I love NaNoWriMo, it does tend to overshadow everything else in a month. I don’t want that to happen this year. I’m definitely not ruling out jumping into the fray again next year, but for this year, I think it’s better to sit on the bench and cheer the rest of you on. I’m still going to write The Mechanic Who Would be Queen! In fact, it’s probably going to be the first book in a trilogy. Or maybe a four-book series… I’m not sure yet, but I’ve have ideas!

So, who’s doing NaNo this year? Let me know in the comments or on social media!