Peeking Out the Window

Little Guy is napping and the older kids are playing outside. The house is quiet. I could be reading a book, knitting, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea…

Instead, I’m walking to the window every few minutes. The kids are playing in the back yard, by themselves. My back yard is perfectly safe. We live in the small town that I grew up in. Our neighbors are relatives and people who I’ve known since I was a kid. I was playing outside in that same yard when I was their ages! I never thought much about it then. Today I’m wondering if Mom looked out the window to check on me this often.

I vividly recall all of the times I told her that she worried about me too much. She used to tell me that I’d understand someday when I had kids. I would laugh (and probably roll my eyes) whenever she said that. Turns out, she was right!

This “letting go” thing that moms have to do is no easy task. These kids start out needing us for everything, and we get used to that. We get used to being in arm’s reach to catch them when they take a tumble. We get used to making sure that everything is kid-safe. Now, some days the constant “needing” is frustrating beyond belief. There are times it makes me wish that I wasn’t constantly needed by someone. Then the kids get a little more independent. I have to let go a little bit, and I find myself regretting the fact that they don’t need me quite as much as they used to. Oh, I know that they’ll always need Mom at least a little bit, but I think the letting go is always hard. Especially difficult for me is figuring out how much to let go. Such a confusing thing this mothering gig is…

For now, I’ll do my best to give them the independence they need, and try not to peek out the window too many times!

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