I feel like I’ve been packing up pieces of Mom’s life. Going through her things, deciding what to do with them, and sometimes just boxing them up for now has been a physically and emotionally draining process. It has surprised me some of the things that I just can’t let go of.
Today, it was Mom’s lipstick. I came to that, tried to throw them away, but I couldn’t. With tears in my eyes, I put them in a box to take home with me. It seems a little silly, even to me, that something as simple as lipstick would be such a trigger point. But, that was Mom. A thousand and one times that I watched her at the bathroom mirror, putting on the only two cosmetics that she used, Oil of Olay, and bright fuchsia lipstick. It was just so Mom. I’ll never wear the same color that she did, but for some reason, I have to keep those little tubes. All I have left now, are little bits and pieces like that. Sure, I have so many great memories, but the memories aren’t tangible. Physical beings that we are, I think we just crave some sort of physical connection with those we love. Love doesn’t die when our bodies do. My love for Mom is still as strong as it was when she was here. I don’t think that will ever change. And that’s just fine.
I see so many things of Mom’s that make me smile. So many things that meant something to her. So many things that remind me of the million memories of her that I cherish. I’m sure that with the perspective of time there will be things that I can let go of, but for now, there are some things that I just have to keep. Sometimes it’s the books that she read to me when I was a kid. Sometimes it’s the crazy things like a tube of lipstick.
They say that time heals all wounds. I don’t know that it’s true, but I think that in my case, time will dull the ache somewhat. Someday, I’ll wake up, and it won’t hurt more than it did the day before. For now, I’ll just rely on God’s grace. Grace for the moment, grace for the day…